Pills
by Kard of Dark
Summary: The all laughed again and backed off, her hands shook as she brought them together, trying to open the bottle. If this was real, sleep would make it all go away as it did before. Yes, it would make everything better. All better.
1. Aoi Tori

Pills  
by Kard of Dark

Standard disclaimers apply.

Chapter 1: Aoi Tori  
  
_Aoi tori ga tobu you na harete kirei na hi desu  
mitsukerarenai bokura kami-sama ga waratta  
miagetara eda no sei de sora wa PAZURU mitai  
donna kotoba de kimi we tsunagi-tomrareru no?_  
--"Aoi Tori" Plastic Tree

* * *

Her mother once said that a black cloud was always over her head, and she never knew it would be true until now as she stood in the freezing rain. The umbrella at her side was unopened as she allowed the rain to mix with her tears and sorrow as everything washed away. She wanted everything to go away, wanted that cold darkness that only death offered.  
  
She wanted to die.   
  
She wanted death.  
  
There was nothing left for her in the living realm anymore, only more pain and the looks she would get from everyone she knew. Her pride was too strong to let herself fall victim to their meaningless words as they would try to soothe her worries and crushed heart. But the feelings were too strong, the heart was crushed beyond repair.  
  
He was dead. The only reason she was still alive was gone and she couldn't find the strength to carry on any longer.  
  
Her hand dug through her coat pocket where her anti-depressant pills where. They would help her in these hard times, though she doubted they could heal a broken heart. Putting them back in her pocket she picked up the umbrella and started the long walk home, not even bothering to open the thing. Maybe she would catch pneumonia and die.  
  
She was certainly turning morbid. It wasn't that bad of a change in her attitude, really. All throughout her life she watched those she loved die of disease, accidents and other "natural causes," or so the doctors called it. There was no reason for her to believe the people in the hospitals and doctor offices, all they did was charge high bills, gave you pills for just about anything imaginable and didn't know what was wrong with you in the first place. Her father had died in their care; they thought it was just a bad cold when he really had lung cancer. The wonders of smoking and what it did to your body.  
  
Smoking was what her father did, though. And she didn't really blame him at all for it. They were both killing themselves slowly and neither cared. Death comes to you at some point in time, they just tried to make it come faster than it originally would.  
  
Then he came along, the one person who listened to her and helped her. The scars that littered her arms and legs from all the times she cut herself where starting to heal, she no longer took any pleasure from watching her blood run freely tell she started to feel dizzy.   
  
The feeling was rather nice, if she remembered correctly as her booted feet took her up the steps to her apartment. Inside was a razor she could use and the tub… If she filled it with water and slipped her cut wrist into it, why…  
  
Her hand shook as she searched for the right key to unlock the door, only to find it already unlocked. Only her aunt and _he_ had a key and she doubted that it was him back from the dead. She did believe in some pretty weird shit but coming back from the dead as a zombie or something like that was pretty out there. Opening the door she found her aunt sitting on the couch-bed, nervously looking around until she heard the door open.  
  
"Kaoru," she whispered standing up, her hands twitching at her sides. Kaoru gave an inward snort, her aunt was nervous all the time and her twitching was just a side effect of it. The woman could never stand or sit still. Briefly, she wondered how the other woman's husband could stand it.   
  
_Husband_.  
  
He said he would marry her when he got back. The tears threaten to start falling once more but she held them back. She hated crying in front of people, family members, friends and even him.  
  
"Everything will be fine," her aunt said, her voice shaking. Kaoru just shook her head slightly and walked past her aunt to the kitchen after taking off her shoes. Getting the pills out of her pocket she got a clean glass and filled it with water. Maybe taking the stupid pills would make her aunt go away thinking everything was fine. With luck, there might yet be a god out there who took pity on her, and would let her die in peace. No such luck.  
  
The other woman just followed Kaoru into the kitchen and waited until the pill was swallowed to reach out and hug her. Kaoru hated the contact; she didn't want to be touched. She wanted to be left alone to her misery, her sweet misery.  
  
And she started to cry.  
  
The tears wouldn't stop as she sank into her aunt's warm hold. Looking out the window over the sink, she let the tears come on their own will, taking in the offered comfort on a whim. Outside sat a blue bird, cocking its head at her for a moment before flying off into the sky.  
  
It was strange for a bird to be out in such rain, but she paid no attention to it, she didn't even remember the bird. Just the pain that wrapped around her heart, like vines on a old garden wall, slowly but surely. All the memories, all the sweet memories of him came back. The things he took to her, the time they spent out in the sun. A happy couple for all to see.  
  
They didn't care if they displayed their affection to the world, they were in love. A young happy couple that had the rest of their lives to love and be with each other.  
  
The tears were becoming easier to shed and she wrapped her arms around her aunt, who in turn tightened her own hold. Heartbreak, it felt worse then death, it had to be worse. Far worse.  
  
Death brought a person onto the after life, but left behind all their loved ones to live in pain and agony of never being able to see that person again. It broke them. His death was breaking her.  
  
Everything felt blue to her, a sadness that couldn't be destroyed or made "happy." No, she decided, she wouldn't--could not-- be happy with him by her side. She made a promise to him and to herself to love him forever.   
  
And that was exactly what she would do.  
  
Kaoru decided to act like she was fine, wear a mask in public to make it appear that she was all right and was ready to move on; that she no longer hurt. But on the inside, she would be like that blue bird, flying through the pain and rain for the rest of time.  
  
And she did exactly that.

* * *

Okay, I didn't like the ending all that much, and it was a rather slow start, but things will get rolling with the next chapter and so on. Also, thanks to MoMo-ChAn for proofreading this for me, it really does help to have a beta-reader.  
  
"Aoi Tori" by Plastic Tree, "Blue Bird" as it is translated to. The blue bird is symbolism in this story, as the blue represents sadness, agony. The color blue in the song also represents sadness and agony. I suggest listening to the song completely, and I won't give the entire song and translation of it, but I have included the translation of what I have at the top of the chapter. I choose this part of the song for it represents her feelings.  
  
_It's the kind of beautiful, clear day on which a blue bird might fly  
Unable to find us, God laughs  
We look up, and through the branches the sky is like a puzzle  
What words will it take to keep you with me?  
_  
On a side note, this fic is completed, but I won't be updating very often, just once a week. So there won't be any "review answers" or things like that, but if you do have questions email me or leave your email address in the review and I'll get back to you. Whenever I can, I'm somewhat of a procrastinator when it comes to those type of things, but I'll try my best to do so.  
  
Thank you for reading and reviewing. 


	2. Pet Shop, beginning

Pills  
  
by Kard of Dark

Standard disclaimers apply.Chapter 2: Pet Shop, beginning  
  
__

_shinitagari no HAMUSTAA go PETTO SHOPPU de mawatteru.  
nebari-tsuku nettai-gyo no kankaku.  
fuusen nori ni demo naritai.  
ippai no mushi no tamago de konna ni atama ga fukureru'nda, haretsu shisou._  
--"Pet Shop" by Plastic Tree

* * *

The funeral was dismal, lifeless and incredibly hot in the humid air. People were crying this way and that as the priest did what he did and Kenshin's burned remains were put into the earth. He had been cremated on his mother's request. Kaoru secretly agreed; she did not want to imagine his body rotting in the earth.  
  
No, she would have gladly gone on believing he was alive and by her side at that very moment and the funeral was for some other lost friend.  
  
People were starting to leave the grave, going to the reception being held later at his mother's house. Except for a quick hug and a few tears, Kaoru did not see or touch or stand near the sobbing woman. She would only break out into more tears. And she did not want to cry any longer.  
  
A gentle hand rested on her shoulder, giving her a small squeeze. It was meant as a sigh of comfort, but Kaoru paid no attention to it.  
  
"He's in a better place, now," Sayo said, glancing at the tombstone for a moment before giving Kaoru a small smile. "And God will take care of him."  
  
God? Kaoru wanted to scream. There was no God, only a devil. God would've kept Kenshin alive and in her arms. Safely tucked away from the rest of the world where the Devil lurked.  
  
But she kept her act, shedding some tears seeking some comfort before excusing herself and leaving the cemetery for home. Home was the last place she needed to be as everything there reminded her of him, but she wanted him. So she went to submerse herself in painfully pleasant memories of the days they were together.  
  
The subway, the streets, the walk there was all a blur until the key slipped into the lock and the door opened. The real world was her apartment, only her apartment was real. Here, he still existed, and he was her world.  
  
Stripping off her clothes she showered using the shampoos, conditioner and soap he used, slipped into clothes that still smelled like him. She would cry it all out today and tomorrow be fine and in no need of being watched over from the pain of death.  
  
She would be left to her pain at home only and in the unreal world the mask she decided to wear would fall in place and the game of pretend would continue.  
  
Sinking into her bed, she buried her head into his pillow--it still smelled like him. This room held so many memories, sweet memories she did not want to lose. No one else would be able to make her feel loved and cherished like she felt when lost in his arms.  
  
"Wake up sleepy head." Breath caressed her ear, sending shivers down her spine. Hands moved over her body, touching in all the right places, making her moan.  
  
The moan woke her from her dream, and as blue eyes shot open to find lazy purple eyes gazing down at her as the red head straddled her hips. Lifting a hand she reached out to caress his face, he felt so cold as he leaned into her hand, a lock of hair falling into his face as he did so.  
  
Kaoru's hand moved to brush it back but her hand went right through it instead, shattering his image. Shock filled her system. her mind was black, numb until something filled her and she darted from the room and to the kitchen sink where her pills were. She almost dropped the anti-depressant pills her hands shook so much, but she was able to swallow one.  
  
The bottle dropped nonetheless, spilling the small yellow tablets across the tile floor. Her body crumpled into a ball as she started muttering odd things, but one this was clear. "Ghosts don't exist. It's all in your head."  
  
She decided then that she would be sleeping on the couch. There was no way she would sleep on that bed again without some sort of help. And she didn't think doctors prescribed sleeping pills to people taking anti-depressants. Alcohol was out of the question, she never liked drinking as Kenshin sometimes did. She did not understand his need to drink. You didn't want to mix pills with alcohol, then again, you didn't usually want to mix a lot of things with pills.  
  
Alcohol was just one of them.  
  
Regaining her breath and nerves, she gathered the pills up and put them back in the bottle. Kenshin was borderline germ phobic so the kitchen floor was safe. Standing up, she told herself out loud that ghosts didn't exist and that it was all in her head.  
  
Putting the bottle on the counter, she looked about herself, trying to find something to occupy herself with.  
  
Some meaningless activity that would keep her from thinking, from feeling. That would keep her sane.  
  
"Have you been sleeping well?" Megumi asked the patient as the young woman before her shook her head no.   
  
The female doctor always thought Kamiya Kaoru had an innocent aura that oozed naivete‚ and ignorance, but not once had she seen the girl depressed. Though, she had been away at a conference the last week when Kaoru had been prescribed the anti-depressants.  
  
Megumi sighed and looked at the paper before her. her blood pressure had lowered and she had lost weight. You could tell something was wrong, though, by looking at Kaoru. The pale skin, bags and dark circles around her eyes, were clear signs that something was wrong.  
  
"Have you been eating right?"  
  
It took Kaoru a moment to reply, as if she thought the whole question through to find the right answer. "Yeah, even though my cooking isn't the best." She gave a weak smile, looking at Megumi a second before looking away.  
  
"You should be eating right, not getting sleeping pills. Or maybe getting a new bed. Sleeping pills are dangerous things, Kaoru," Megumi glared at her patient and glanced at her watch. "Now, I want you to wait here for ten minutes and then I'll take you out to lunch. And I want no arguments."  
  
Kaoru just sat there looking at the floor, not replying. Giving a heavy sigh Megumi took the silence as a yes and left the room.  
  
Down the hall she spotted Dr. Hino talking to a nurse, who giggled before leaving down another hall. He was the one who prescribed the pills to Kaoru. She wanted to scold him for doing that, but it was the right move as Kaoru showed signs of depression.  
  
Though she was trying.  
  
Passing him, she entered another waiting room for her last patient before lunch.  
  
Hino walked down the hall and curiously looked into the room where Kaoru still sat. "Why hello. Didn't expected to see you back so soon."  
  
He gave a big white smile as he entered the room, but Kaoru didn't look up. Reaching out, his fingers grasped her chin and forced her to look at him. First thing he noticed was her cold skin, the second was her lack of sleep.  
  
"Came here for something to help you sleep? And the old fox wouldn't let you have any...that is her." He let go of her chin, rubbing his hands together. She felt so cold. The only response he got from her was the movement of her head sinking forward so her eyes rested on the floor once more.  
  
"You know what, I'll prescribe you some, but you have to follow the directions. You don't want to risk taking more then directed." He gave her another smile and left the room, promising to go and file a order for the pills.  
  
The room was once more quiet. She was cold, so very cold, because of him. He was always with her, Kenshin was always there. His spirit was following her, watching her and scaring her. But it was all in her mind, it had to be. This was a small set back in her plan, but the sleeping pills would help with that.  
  
He wouldn't let her sleep long enough, and so she was always tired which interrupted her act. She couldn't act like she was over the whole event if she was too tired to make sure the mask was on her face.  
  
Megumi returned, her purse and jacket in hand. "Come on, dear. There's this nice little restaurant with healthy food just down the street. It'll perfect for the both of us."  
  
Taking Kaoru by the arm, they left the room and building for the quaint restaurant for a good lunch. Kaoru felt relaxed in the woman's presence. Megumi treated Kaoru as a friend instead of a patient. Kaoru decided that with some more thought and time, she could see doctors like Megumi as people who cured others instead of helpers of death.

* * *

_A hamster, seemingly intent on death, is turning around and around in the pet shop.  
The sensation of sticky tropical fish.  
I want to ride up in a balloon, or something.  
My head is so swollen with insect eggs that it feels like it's going to explode.  
_  
The only significant sentence in that verse was the first one, and it relates to why she is going to the doctor in the first place. And that in turn relates to the title of the story. But there is symbolism in it all. This chapter is entitled "Pet Shop Beginning" because there is an ending to it, though it won't come for a while.  
  
The alcohol holds no symbolism, I don't drink myself, so I don't understand what people would feel or think when drunk. I don't wish to ask anyone either. The reference to God and the Devil earlier on is understandable in the thoughts of someone whose lots a loved one and they think it is unfair, so they condemn God. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but it is from my own opinion and perspective.  
  
Kaoru hasn't liked doctors from the beginning, and this turn of events is slowly changing Kaoru's opinion, but the change of feelings will be a bumpy one as things go on and the two become friends. Remember, Megumi does not know Kenshin or of his death and about Kaoru and Kenshin's relationship. So she is clueless as to why Kaoru is depressed, but does not offer the choice of a psychiatrist because Kaoru is "trying" to get over her depression with the help of the medication.  
  
Now, my own little rant here. Well, I rewrote this chapter three times...it wasn't much fun, but I liked this one the best and it fits how I want everything to go. Thank you to my beta-reader MoMo-ChAn for proofreading this for me. You've been a great help.


	3. Sink

Pills

by Kard of Dark

Standard disclaimers apply.

Chapter 3: Sink  
  
__

_nanimo shiranai baku wa itsuka nemuri-tsuzukeru kara_

_daremo todokamai yume no naka de oborete_

--"Sink" by Plastic Tree

* * *

The bottle sat in front of her on the coffee table, tempting to look at but dangerous to touch. She hadn't taken any in the three days she had them. Dr. Hino's warning wasn't what was ringing through her head, but rather the joy she felt when having lunch with Megumi. It was something she hadn't felt in what seemed like ages. The feeling was nice but Kenshin didn't want her to feel it again. He didn't want her to have another little luncheon with Megumi ever again.  
  
And she was scared.  
  
Scared of an image that was created by her head, a figment of her imagination and own unbalanced feelings.  
  
Reaching out she grasped the bottle and read the directions once more. By this time she had memorized what it read, knew each word by heart. She knew not to take more then one every twelve hours, and it wasn't suggested to take two in any twenty-four hour period. Dangerous was what rang through her head at that. She wanted to follow the directions; it would keep Kenshin away long enough for her to sleep with just one pill.  
  
That was what she wanted.  
  
Twisting open the bottle, she spilled a pill out onto the palm of her hand.  
  
"What are you doing?" Kenshin was there again. Yelling at her again and again like he was always doing since he had died and came back to haunt her. She shook the idea from her head. Ghosts did not exist; it was simply her imagination.  
  
Taking up the cup of water, she swallowed the pill. It went down easily enough, but she didn't know when it would start to take effect. Kaoru hoped it would take effect soon. She didn't want to listen to Kenshin; she didn't have the energy left to feel everything he wanted her to feel. The love, the anger, the sadness. She didn't want any of it right then. All she wanted was to sleep.  
  
Lying down onto the couch, she covered her body with the blanket, her hand shaking as she did so at the sight of Kenshin sitting under her feet at the other end of the couch. He wasn't speaking, but his eyes were amber--a color she learned to be wary of.  
  
Kenshin had always been pleasant and sweet, a wonderful person to be around with, but he did have a temper when evoked. She had seen him angry only once, and that was enough for her. Though, she had always fantasized about his angry half, about how well a lover he would be. Once more brushing the thoughts aside, she settled down onto the pillow and closed her eyes.  
  
The first night she spent on the bed the couch folded out to, Kenshin had simply tortured her, wouldn't let her get any rest by doing things with her body. From that she learned to sleep on just the couch itself instead. He didn't seem to enjoy doing anything to her unless he had a lot of space.  
  
"You can't--won't, get away from me," he spoke suddenly, his voice deep with thought. He glanced over at her, his amber eyes glowing in the dark. "I won't let you."  
  
Shrugging his words off, she pulled the blanket farther up and turned over to try and sleep. "You will always be mine."  
  
Those where the last words she heard before she fell asleep.  
  
The drug-induced sleep was peaceful and dreamless and when she woke up Kenshin was not about. But she was tired, and sluggish, as if her body needed more sleep then the twelve hours she already slept through. She really should've moved and set her alarm clock.  
  
Kaoru was grateful, though, that she had a few days off from work. This way she could get used to the pills and create a sleeping schedule.  
  
Pushing the blankets off her body she decided to use what was left of the day and do some things around the house. Kenshin's mother had asked Kaoru to sort through Kenshin's things and to take out anything she wanted to keep before giving her what was left. It had been more then a week already, and she still had not done so.  
  
Getting dressed, she found herself in baggy clothing that was a few years old, and she could not remember getting dressed. Raising a hand she brushed it through her wet bangs--when did she take a shower for that matter?  
  
Shaking it off with a yawn, she took on look at the closet and chose to go through his clothes first. Turning on the television, she turned it to the "all news all the time" station to catch up on current events. Kenshin was the one who knew about the events going on in the world. Kaoru, meanwhile, still hated watching the news.  
  
"'The reason behind the boat explosion killing all 365 passengers and crew members is till being looked through,' said the Police Sergeant in charge of the case. They suspect it was done by an extremists group who were trying to protect the wildlife that lived near--"  
  
Kaoru could no longer hear the television, all she could see were the pictures of the wreckage that Kenshin's body had been pulled from. People who had the same goal as those on the boat killed them.  
  
She scrambled to turn the TV off, but even as the screen when black the images stayed in her head, only these were worse.  
  
There was Kenshin, sitting on his little bunk holding a picture of them in his hands gently running his finger over her face, her smile.  
  
Kaoru tried to pull herself out of the "vision" but she couldn't, it kept going on as Kenshin put the picture back in his suitcase. They would be docking soon and everyone needed to be ready to get off the boat.  
  
"No...No..." Kaoru struggled to get his face out of her head. His image and what might have been his death. She didn't want it. She didn't deserve it.  
  
Struggling to see her way through the apartment she swallowed her anti- depressants, but the image stayed as she sank to the floor wrapping her arms around her legs and started to cry. Kenshin's face stayed in her mind as he left his room with his suitcase in hand for the deck.  
  
He reached the metal stairs only to hear some one scream. Dropping the bag he rushed towards the top--he always had to be the hero. And reaching the top he saw the man with the gun, his eyes wide and hysterical, as if he didn't believe something.  
  
That man said something and fired the gun into the air for emphasis. Kaoru didn't hear what he said only closed her eyes but the image only got stronger, more real. As if she was Kenshin.  
  
The mad man opened his jacket, to show the bomb strapped to his body. "There's several other bombs all on the ship," she heard him say. Holding up the detonator, he gave a smile. "We'll protect the animals there. Not destroy them like you all so carefully planned. Have a wonderful time in hell."  
  
Someone started to scream and more people did as well, and someone started to run for the side of the ship to jump while Kenshin... He was running towards the man yelling something about protecting the animals and wildlife there was their goal as well.  
  
The man's eyes widened but it was too late. The button had been pushed-- Kaoru gave a scream and shook her head while covering her ears.  
  
More tears where falling as the horrid images flew her head. Kenshin dying with her name on his lips. Her face in his mind, that happy smiled from the picture.  
  
"No! Just leave me alone!" she screamed again.  
  
There was yelling outside her door as someone opened it. The apartment manager and Megumi rushed in, finding Kaoru in tears and pain.  
  
Megumi rushed forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Kaoru, whispering words of comfort as the tall brute that owned the building stood back ready to be of any use.  
  
Her tears started to slow as the last images filled her mind, the cool water where Kenshin's body floated as his lungs filled with water. A drowned man if he wasn't already missing half his brain.

* * *

Now, Kenshin did die as indicated in this chapter. Think of him as someone who goes out to places where buildings are being built to look for any animals and plants that are rare and endangered. Obviously, in incident like the one in the fic wouldn't likely happen in real life (then I would fear for my cousin's life...), but it was done by an extremists group for advocate for animal's rights. 

This wasn't a vision, but rather her over active imagination. The image of Kenshin is the same thing, an object created by her mind. There are no ghosts or anything like that, it's just her mind. Now, about the sleeping pills, I've taken one before and the day was very hard to get through because I was very tired, so I based her morning off my own experience. At least she didn't have go to work, I still had to go to school.

As for the lyrics from the top, here is the translation:  
  
_Because I, who know nothing, will one day sleep forever,_

_In a dream unreachable, I am drowning._  
  
The symbolism is death and Kaoru's little "vision." That's all I really want to explain, some things though, should be noticeable in the way Kaoru is acting. Reread the chapter, if you hadn't caught it already, and see if you can catch what I mean.  
  
This chapter should be a few more chapters more and then it'll be done with. And thank you again to my beta-reader, MoMo-ChAn. You are the best.


	4. Hontou no Uso

Pills  
  
by Kard of Dark

Standard disclaimers apply.

Chapter 4: Hontou no Uso  
  
__

_hitsuji no kigurumi o kita mama yaseta otoko no ko  
  
ga odokete  
  
haku iki o shiraku sasete inoru you ni te o awaseta  
  
ano ko to sora no aida ni wa toumei na nani ka ga   
  
aru kara  
  
kitto negai wa todokanai sukoshi samuku naru  
  
yuuenchi  
_  
--"Hontou no Uso" by Plastic Tree

* * *

She watched her doctor walk back and forth in front of her, Sanosuke--the owner of the building--was sitting beside her on the couch. Kaoru didn't understand their need to "baby" her. She was a grown woman who didn't need any help from any one. Snuggling deeper into the couch, she caught sight of Kenshin sitting on the windowsill, glaring at the female doctor and then at Sano only to go back to Megumi once more. He wanted them gone, that was the one thing they could agree on then.  
  
This was her home and she had a right to force them to leave, but she knew she couldn't. Sanosuke had a key to the apartment and he obviously agreed with Megumi in that she shouldn't be left alone right now.  
  
"Kaoru," Megumi paused in her walking and looked her patient straight in the eye. Kaoru's eyes were cool, calm, but a fire burned underneath. One that wanted her and Sano gone. Shivering just slightly she continued to speak, "What exactly made you scream?"  
  
"I screamed?" Kaoru replied, putting on this innocent confused face. One thin eyebrow was raised at she asked the question. Megumi almost believed her.  
  
Sano gave a snort. "The scream we heard and saw you give just a few minuets ago, Jou-chan."  
  
Sano's customary nickname for her was attached and Kaoru felt some comfort in the formality he was putting between them. It made her feel...  
  
Kenshin was no longer by the window, instead he stood behind Sano, trying in vain to choke the taller man.   
  
Kaoru quickly looked away, glancing out the window to see a blue bird. She wondered briefly if it was the same one from before, but brushed the thought off. It could've been any bird. Suddenly she realized they were expecting an answer.  
  
"Oh, that screaming. I thought I saw a mouse." Kaoru's reply was easy though she had given herself a few moments to think it up before reply. Acting as if she was trying to find something she had lost, like her reason.  
  
"Well, do you have a fear of mice," Sano said softly as he gazed at the table. Kaoru had never seen him in such deep thought before. It was usually Kenshin who conversed with Sano, as the two had been friends since they were in elementary school. When Sano took over his father's business--the apartment building--he had some vacancies and knew Kenshin was looking for a place to stay. At that time, Kenshin and Kaoru had just started dating and she still lived with a few roommates across town.  
  
"But I wanted you to tell the truth."  
  
Kaoru startled. Sano was never this...well, she had never seen him act like this before. The taller man was usually carefree and had a wild mind. Never was he so serious expect for when rent was due. She didn't like this change in him.  
  
Kenshin, meanwhile, had given a snort. "Why don't you tell them the truth, dear. Tell them you've been seeing ghosts and then they'll just send you off to the funny farm."  
  
He gave a harsh laugh, amber eyes glaring at the two before turning away and vanishing into thin air.  
  
"But that is the truth." It came out as a whisper. Kaoru repeated it a second time, louder and stronger.  
  
"I don't think so," said Megumi as she picked up the bottle of sleeping pills. She looked at the label and cursed softly before putting the bottle roughly back down. "And I thought I told you that you couldn't have any sleeping pills."  
  
"But they help so much. The sleep is nice and refreshing."  
  
"Not to mention dangerous. They might be all right if you were weighed fifty-eighty pounds more then you did before you became depressed."  
  
Megumi used the word "depressed" as if it was common knowledge that the blue eyed girl was in a state of depression. The bottle of anti-depressants was by the kitchen sink, she noted, and it looked as if she was taking them.  
  
"Depressed? Jou-chan...his death must've hit you worse then we all thought."  
  
Sano, being smart. The world was going to end soon, she knew it. Though, maybe it was her world that would end. Both God and Satan knew she deserved to die in his place. He didn't deserve death. She did.  
  
"Did someone she know die?" Megumi whispered, looking between Sano and Kaoru as if just staring would tell her the truth.  
  
"Kenshin...her boyfriend."  
  
"Fiancé," Kaoru whispered, fresh tears falling down her face as she said it, but she paid no attention to them as she continued to stare out the window as if it was the best thing to do in the world. "We were going to announce it when...when...he c-came back."  
  
The other two were silent, but Sano reached his hand over Kaoru's shoulder and softly hugged her tightly, offering her a shoulder to try on which she gladly took. Her tears continued to fall as she cried, letting the pain come out once more. But the pain was immense, and she knew it would never go away.  
  
Not even death would make her sorrow disperse. It was there to stay.  
  
"But it wasn't my fault..."  
  
Her whisper was so soft that the other two only head a soft incoherent mumbling. Sano just held her closer as she sobbed on and Megumi stood back watching the two. She felt that if she moved towards them the peaceful scene would be broken.  
  
After what seemed like hours Kaoru pushed herself away from Sano and tried in vain to smile, to show that everything was fine now. She gave up, though, knowing that they would not believe it--not even herself.  
  
Kaoru didn't know why she broke down then and why she now had the strong desire to tell them everything. But she couldn't.  
  
Fear filled her system, made her reach out and hug herself, trying to hold back more tears. That one time she had seen Kenshin mad...he had been angry with her.  
  
Shivering she stood, intent to grab her blanket and use it to wrap around her body as if it the cloth would protect her from everything in the world--including herself. She completely forgot she had guests watching her as she did so. No one else existed in that room, except her, until Megumi spoke, breaking the peaceful illusion she had created if even it lasted for just a moment.  
  
"Kaoru," Megumi began slowly, "If there is anything you want--need--to tell us, you can. We'll listen."  
  
"I'm just not over it," Kaoru whispered settling down onto the corner of the couch having wrapped herself in the blanket already. It was nice and warm. Safe.  
  
Sano sighed as he stood up, stretching slowly before making eye contact with Megumi. "I don't know about you, kitsune, but I've gotta go." Turning towards Kaoru, he gave her a forced smile. "Remember what kitsune here said. I'll always listen, Kaoru."  
  
Giving her a kiss on the forehead he left while giving Megumi a flirtatious wink, closing the door behind him.  
  
Megumi was in a small shock over the nickname he had just given her, but the shock quickly faded as her temper burst in. "Who does that rooster head think he is?"  
  
Kaoru cringed. Megumi did have a temper if pressed--as the nurses often told her when she was at their office. Apparently Sano knew exactly which buttons to push.  
  
"How exactly do I resemble a fox in the first place? Do I remind you of a fox?"  
  
Kaoru blinked and thought for a moment before replying. What she knew of the other woman wasn't a lot, but...   
  
"Well, you kind of do."  
  
"I what?!" Megumi glared at her patient. "If looks could kill" was true, this would've been one of those looks.  
  
"Well, you're sly and pretty cunning. Also a little bossy."  
  
"Oh, who asked you tanuki?"  
  
"You did kitsune."  
  
Megumi gave a small noise and looked away, displeased with the girl's answer. "Well, I think I'll go knock it into that rooster head that I'm not a fox. As for you, tanuki, don't do any more stunts like today--and don't rely on these pills. They won't do you any good."  
  
Kaoru nodded her head yes to the doctor's instructions and watched the woman leave. Megumi was fuming, and Kaoru could've sworn that she saw two fox ears coming out of her head before the woman left.  
  
"Sides, Megumi," she whispered when she was alone. "You remind me of what a youko looks like in human form."

* * *

Well, first off a "youko" is an evil fox spirit. Or something around that. Kurama from Yuu Yuu Hakusho is a youko, the silver haired side of him. Their original form is that of a fox, but they can turn into a human form and play tricks on people. Usually through sex they gain more power, though, if I remember correctly, it kills their partner slowly.  
  
Okay, Sano was OOC here, but he too is suffering from the death of his best friend still and is also in the dumps about it, but not as bad as Kaoru. There were clues about it in this entire chapter, so read back if you didn't catch them, cause I'm not going to give anything away.  
  
The translation of the lyrics above is this.  
  
_Clad in sheep pajamas, a thin boy plays  
  
At making the breath he exhales white, and clasping his hands as if to pray  
  
Yet between that child and the sky, a transparent something lies  
  
So surely his wish shall never be heard  
  
The fun park grows a little colder  
_  
Okay, first off, the first line "clad in sheep pajamas," think of it as a disguise, a mask. Each character was wearing one in this chapter, if they realized it or not. The "transparent something" is the lies which Kaoru gave off, and the anger that Kenshin had shown her because of her. Confused yet? Well, answers in the next chapter for that one.  
  
The "so surely his wish shall never be heard" line is Kaoru's desires to tell someone, but she can't. She is held down by the lies she has told them and herself over the time sense Kenshin and she had argued.  
  
Ah, done with the symbolism. Thank you MoMo-ChAn for proofreading this for me. You've been a great help and are the best--just don't gain an ego on me from the praise. 


	5. itai ao

Pills  
  
by Kard of Dark  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.

Chapter 5: itai ao  
  
__

_SURAIDO shashin no keshiki go kawareba  
  
yowamushi no boku ga tori-nokosareteta  
  
aoi INKU ga tobichiru yo mune no atari  
  
itai kurai kirei dakara  
  
boku wa naita'nda  
_  
--"itai ao" by Plastic Tree

Hello, people, yeah, this is a small note before the chapter begins. And well, just to remind you, Kenshin is not real. He's a image her mind created that voices her inner doubts and thoughts with the personality of the real Kenshin that she last saw--which is explained here. Well...yeah...on with the fic, ne?  
  
Oh, yes, a warning. This chapter implies some adult conduct. Stress on the implies.

* * *

Kaoru found herself alone once more, brooding over nothing as she continued to stare out the window at the blue bird which was busy making a nest in the tree. Its mate had shown up and was busy helping. They looked like a perfect couple, Kaoru noted with a sigh. A happy couple that didn't fight.  
  
Kenshin appeared beside her on the couch, lounging about while looking at her with a heated stare. "Arguments? Kaoru, you wish to think about arguments?" He leaned over, his lips gently brushing her ear as he did so. Her breath caught, he seemed so real. So unbelievably real. "Kaoru, did you really want to fight?"  
  
His lips reached hers in a gentle kiss, one that left her hanging for more. But how could an image leave her hanging?  
  
"And yet, deep down, you don't want what I have to give..." He kissed her forehead, holding her head between his hands in a gentle hold. He still felt cold but his lips were warm. And he was right, deep in her stomach, her muscles were clenching tightly together.  
  
Fear, she recognized the feeling as fear. She feared him.  
  
"As you should be." He kissed her again before letting go of her and stepping away. "A little bitch has all the right to be afraid."  
  
She gasped at stared at him in surprise. "A what?"  
  
"You heard me correctly, bitch, cause that's all you are," he looked out the window, glancing at the birds while Kaoru struggled out of her blanket. It no longer felt safe. She felt constricted, as if she didn't have enough air. "Oh, don't think you don't know what I'm talking about. I remember, and I'm the dead one."  
  
He turned back towards her, and by that time she was free of the blanket and at the stereo, turning the music on loud. She learned her lesson from the last time. This way no one would hear her talk to herself or scream. She didn't want people to hear her scream. That would only make them worry about her more.  
  
She didn't want anyone to worry about her and come rushing in without her consent. No, she shouldn't be bothered now that the music hid her voice and movements from prying ears.  
  
"I forgot?" she said after a moment, keeping her eyes fixated on the stereo, not bothering to glance at the "figment" of her imagination and all of its lies.  
  
"I do not lie, even you know it to be true." His cold arms wrapped around her middle, his chin resting comfortably on her shoulder. "You were always forgetting things though. But that feeling was something you never let go. It stayed with you, it haunted you...did it not?"  
  
Kaoru walked out of his hold, going a ways before looking back at him again. "So what if I forgot a few little things--Kenshin was there to help me remember."  
  
"But he isn't here to help you remember anymore. And it's all your fault." The Kenshin image seemed to blur, and Kaoru realized that she was crying once more. That was all she had been doing lately. Crying. She didn't want to cry anymore.  
  
"Then why don't you just die? I know that's what needs to be done. Death will be your only salvation." He was walking closer to her until he stood just before her. She could feel his warm breath and closed her eyes.  
  
"I-I don't want to remember." She shook as the words came out of her. She was stuck in the middle, between remembering and not remembering. And she didn't want to choose either option. She just wanted to leave in a sweet oblivion. But...  
  
"You know you have to. It's the only way for you to go in peace. To the "sweet oblivion" as you call it." One cold hand rested on her hip, coming up to caress one of her breasts just lightly before going back down to her rest at her waist. The other rested on her left cheek, caressing it softly. "And all you have to do is remem--"  
  
Her slap came quickly and hard, the ring on her finger leaving a jagged cut along his left cheek, which started to slowly bleed. Kaoru gasped and stepped away and looked at her right hand and the collection of odd rings she had not worn since Kenshin went away. She had cut him.  
  
She had cut him. She had harmed him.  
  
"What was that for?"  
  
"It was supposed to bring you back to your senses!" Kaoru yelled back at him, the words coming out of her mouth on their own. She did not know where they were coming from. But, they seemed natural as if she had spoken them before.  
  
"Senses? Kaoru, there are endangered species we're talking about. And if we don't help them--" Kenshin kept talking, not even noticing his wound as he went into the bedroom, a picture firmly in hand.  
  
"That's 'if you can' Kenshin. And even if you do, it's no reason to risk your life for it!" She was scared, so very scared. Her gut feeling, she didn't want him to leave her. Something bad was going to happen.  
  
Something horrible was going to happen.  
  
Was going to happen to him.  
  
That was, if he left her to go on this wild goose chase.  
  
"We will find it and that hotel won't be built--protecting the natural land there," Kenshin took some clothes from the closet, folding them perfectly before putting them into his suitcase.  
  
"But this feeling won't go away. I really, really think something bad is going to happen to you on this chase."  
  
Kenshin gave a smile and walked over to her, wrapping her in a tight hug. "The only bad thing that will happen to me is that I'll be lonely without you there will me, beside me."  
  
He wiped his thumb over her cheek, gently erasing tears away before he gave her a soft kiss.  
  
"You're bleeding," Kaoru whispered softly, looking away. No, she didn't want to make eye contact with him. Kenshin gently touched his cheek, finally noticing the wound.  
  
"It appears I am," he face her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. None of his smiles reached this eyes that day. "Come one now, you'll help me bandage it."  
  
He pulled her to the bathroom were she cleaned the wound and covered it with gauze like material. She didn't want his face to be scarred because of her. He was too perfect to be injured by a cursed mess such as herself.  
  
Leaving her to her thoughts, Kenshin went back into their room to finish packing, placing the picture of them together on top. Only, Kaoru realized with shock when she saw it, that it was a picture of Kenshin and Sayo. The two belonged to the same church and had been friends sense they were little. But why the picture?  
  
"Kenshin...why did you want to marry me? No, do you really love me?" The words trembled out as she spoke them, matching the shaking of her own body as her hands clenched into tight fists.  
  
Kenshin sighed and looked at her in an irritated way. "Kaoru, what makes you ask such a thing?" Already, gold colored flecks where appearing in his eyes, but Kaoru paid no attention to them as she met his question head on.  
  
"If you truly loved me, you would stay instead of going off on some wild goose chase that will lose you your life!" Taking the engagement ring off her finger she glanced at the platinum band and sapphire stones a moment before throwing it at him with all the force she could muster and left the room.  
  
Kenshin caught the ring easily and placed it in his pocket while following Kaoru. By the time he made it to the front room she was already shrugging into her jacket. "Where do you think you're going?"  
  
His eyes were amber at this time. He really loved her, but this trip was only going to happen once in a lifetime and he wasn't about to let it slip through his fingers at any point.  
  
"Out, Kenshin, out," Kaoru growled placing her keys and cell phone into her coat pockets.  
  
"That doesn't answer my question."  
  
"And you never answered mine!" She turned around, heading for the door when Kenshin grabbed her arm and twisted her around, keeping her arm in a painful position against her back.  
  
"Kaoru, how could I not love you?" He kissed her forcefully, enjoying her gasp and small whimpers of pain as he pulled harshly on her trapped arm.  
  
"You're hurting me!" Kaoru cried out as his hold tightened and his lips made their way down her throat.  
  
"And I care because? You are mine, Kaoru dear, and I can do whatever I want to my possession. Whatever I want." He kissed her again, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth, filling her with disgust when the action would usually send her senses haywire. Nonetheless, she gave a small needy noise as she sank slowly into the kiss.  
  
His free hand traveled over her side, grasping her ass. This woke her from her small daze and she reacted by kneeing him in the balls. Kenshin hissed and let go of her as the pain sank in. Kaoru took her chance to run, but Kenshin was full of adrenaline, which, ultimately, made the pain bearable.  
  
She was reaching for the doorknob when he grabbed her once again and dragged her back to their room, thankful for the blasting music courteous of the party happening next door. They were the happy couple in the building and it wouldn't do them any good to be heard arguing.  
  
Throwing her down on the bed, he looked at her for a moment before reaching out to take off her jacket. Kaoru struggled to keep it on, but he won that battle, throwing the offending garment into the floor.  
  
Kenshin gave a sigh before speaking, choosing his words carefully. "Kaoru, can we please talk?"  
  
"Talk? I thought you wanted to use force?" Kaoru glared at him, meeting his amber eyes with all the strength she had. One of them had to win this battle, and neither participant wanted to lose.  
  
Kenshin thought about an answer to her question and decided to skip answering all together and move onto a different topic. It was true, he did use force to get his way, and he hoped he wouldn't have to force her to hear him out. If it came down to using force once more, though, he would.  
  
"Please, Kaoru, believe me when I say I love--"  
  
"Then stay with me!" Kaoru scrambled off the bed and glared at him. She wanted to break out in tears; she wanted to do anything that didn't involve confronting Kenshin. "Don't go off and risk your life."  
  
"I would rather I be my own life then what is left of an endangered species." Kenshin knew that was the wrong thing to say, but it was out and finished with. Kaoru's eyes started to fill with tears, her anger and strength diminished as the sadness came in and her heart broke just a little.  
  
"Would you leave me alone to feel the pain of your loss?" Kaoru's words were clear despite the tears and sobs.  
  
Kenshin couldn't stand it. She acted as if she knew he wasn't coming back! As if he was going to die out there on the "wild goose chase" as she called it. So, he slapped her, the force sending her tumbling to the floor in a daze.  
  
He used the chance to pin her to the floor, roughly tying her hands behind her back with a stray belts and sitting on her legs to keep them still.  
  
"I love you Kaoru. Believe me." Kaoru heard him, but the tears wouldn't stop as the grip on her shoulders tightened and his fingers dug painfully into her skin. Her knee length skirt was now bunched up close to her hips, though she wasn't sure if her underwear could be seen or not. Her struggling did not help, though. "Please believe me baby."  
  
He kissed her tears away, kissing each closed eyelid and then her lips, but she was struggling and her struggling only gave his sudden desire more fuel. She did deserve to be punished for thinking that he didn't love her...  
  
Nodding his head to himself in silent agreement, one hand strayed up her thigh and she cried out, her body shaking. She didn't want this. This wasn't right.  
  
Her struggling continued and she wasn't aware of anything that was going on around her. All she knew was that he was hurting her. He was doing something to her that she did not want.  
  
Kaoru didn't care if they were boyfriend and girlfriend, that they were an engaged couple. What he was doing, the constant pounding, was not something she was all right with. It was rape.  
  
Kenshin left her on the floor after untying her, grabbed his suit case and said a softly, "I'll see you in month." He left the room, he left her life. He went off just to die.

* * *

Damn it all, this was supposed to be the last chapter, but...I just can't make it any longer without screaming. It's already 2,219 words! A record so far, but still! I guess I'll just have to leave everyone hanging for just a little while longer. And, reread it before you ask me anything, and remember what I said before. Also, this really happened. She conveniently forgot everything that happened the day he left. So, everything in this chapter was real. As for the scar, it wasn't mentioned in Kaoru's little "vision" a few chapters back because she didn't remember it being there. Man, this is getting confusing, huh? In the end, its just a matter of what is going on in one's own head that makes her act how she is.  
  
Kaoru has always believed in that "curse" and how everyone she holds very dear dies. Well, a little side note on this, everyone she loved and held dear went away from her and died. Now, this wasn't mentioned for when Kaoru's dad or mom died, but it is also true for their deaths as well. That is why she was scared to hold people close yet also tried to keep them as close to her as possible. Kenshin stayed close to her up until this point.  
  
Okay, lyric time.  
  
_As the scene on this slide changed  
  
I was left behind, the weakling  
  
Blue ink splattered all around my heart  
  
So beautiful if pained me  
  
And so I cried  
_  
Okay, let it sink in a moment. All right, the "scene on this slide changed" would be the remembrance of what really happened, what she forgot. The being left behind part, the weakling, well, that comments on what happened before Kenshin left. And the blue ink equals sadness. Ah, the sweet sounds of symbolism.  
  
And finally, thank you to MoMo-ChAn, with out your wonderful help this chapter wouldn't have been possible. . You know what I'm talking about. 


	6. Pet Shop, ending

Pills  
  
by Kard of Dark  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
Chapter 6: Pet Shop, ending  
  
_kuragari.  
  
shimatta PETTO SHOPPU de HAMUSTAA wa mawari-tsuzuketeru.  
  
"KARAKARA......"  
  
senkai, nisenkai, sanzenkai, nanzenkai?  
  
shinda.  
_  
--"Pet Shop" by Plastic Tree

* * *

Her body shook, this couldn't be real. None of it could be real. But it was. He had raped her and left her. Like nothing was wrong.  
  
"And why not?" The room was black, dark, nighttime. The room had been filled with light from the setting sun and now that no lights were on, everything a was dark black. But she could see Kenshin standing there against the wall in the soft moonlight that only touched his half his body, hiding his face from her view.  
  
"You raped me, Kenshin. that's not excusable!"  
  
"Again, why not? It was your punishment for not believing me," he said in a soft monotone as she stepped away from the wall and into the light. Kaoru gasped, her eyes widening in shock and surprise. But also in sickness. There was part of his skull missing, part of his brain, body fluids dripping down his face from the chunk that was missing. "And this was my own for not believing you, but I did what I did on my own free will. No denying that, Kaoru."  
  
He stepped closer but Kaoru stepped backwards out of the bedroom she had moved to as the memories came back to her. Acting out the entire truth as if it only happened a few minuets ago instead of a few days. But if it really just happened, Kenshin would be alive and real instead of just a figment of her imagination.  
  
Yes, this image wasn't real. He was just as fake as the images that went through her mind when she remembered the night Kenshin left. Like the "vision" she had of Kenshin's death.  
  
He wasn't real. They weren't real. Nothing was real.  
  
She laughed, the sound harsh to her own ears. Raising her hands she covered her face as more laughter came pouring out. "How stupid I was to believe something like this! Not of it is real!"  
  
The tears were coming now, real or fake? She briefly wondered that as she touched her cheek and looked at the wetness that was left on her fingers. Was anything real anymore? Or was this all a dream conjured by the sleeping pills?  
  
Glancing out the small hallway she saw the couch and wondered if the sleeping pills were still there. Those things worked magic to her. They made everything go away and she loved them for that. Like magic.  
  
And if this was all a dream created by them, why was this dead Kenshin here? Would she forget everything that happened in her dreams once she woke up?  
  
Everything would be better that way, if she did.  
  
There would be no pain, no sadness. Only the refreshed feeling that one gets after a good nights sleep. In fact, there would have been no mortification of having Sano and Megumi rescuing her from a terrific vision that wasn't real.  
  
"And if this isn't real, neither are you..." the words were a whisper as she looked over at the bleeding Kenshin, seeing no emotion come across his face. He was calm. Calm as only the dead could be. The way their lifeless bodies look when they are lowered to the ground in a coffin, never to be seen by human eyes ever again. Only the bugs and rodents that made their way through the ground would notice the lifeless thing, if they paid any attention to it at all.  
  
Rotting away for the rest of eternity until there was nothing left, not even a memory.  
  
"Who's to say what is real?" Again, the monotone, the lifeless voice. It held no emotion, and she took comfort in that. The dead could not come back, and this was all in her head. It was all a dream she could wake from.   
  
"Who's to say you are dreaming and not wide awake?"  
  
"There's no other explanation. This is all just one big dream! One giant hell that I'll wake up from at any moment now." Kaoru refused to let the dream Kenshin get to her. She refused to give in, but she could feel her courage slipping nonetheless. Why, she didn't know. But it was leaving her as the dream Kenshin walked closer and gently reached out to touch her face.  
  
"I'm as real as you, as real as anything else that is standing around you. I'm dead Kaoru, and I am real." What was left of his once beautiful red hair shook slightly as he gave a shake of his head. "There is no other way."  
  
She slapped his hand away and stepped back, wanting to get as far away from him as she could. "But that's the thing, you aren't real. There is no possible way you are real!"  
  
"Who decides what is real and what is not? What gave you the power to decided that?" He came closer, his voice gaining some emotion as he did so. "I did what I did to you Kaoru because you deserved it for thinking I couldn't care for you! I love you, damn it! And nothing will change that. Not even petty jealousy."  
  
His words shocked her. yes, she had been jealous. Jealous of a photo. A picture that didn't have her in it. "I don't care Kenshin! You never smiled for real that day, you never gave any indication that you really cared for me at all the entire time I knew you! How was I supposed to know if you did or not when every time you told me that you loved me there was no emotion?"  
  
Her body shook in suppressed anger. She wanted to scream, she wanted to swear. She wanted to kill him.  
  
"But I'm already dead. Just like every other person you held close. Like every other person who slipped right through your fingers. All the ones who left you and you wished them dead."  
  
"You...you're lying!" This time she did scream it out as she tripped and fell to the floor, and proceeded to crawl away from him. Anything to get away from him and his...his...  
  
"Truth. You know I'm speaking the truth. Deep down you know its true. That every word I say is true. Every little bit." He followed her, slowly as he moved one foot with each word he spoke. It was syncopated. And very much true.  
  
"And so you accept the truth. And there is no way to get past it, is there?"  
  
She had come to the couch and she used it to stand up as she rested against the arm. Next to her was the coffee table and the bottle of pills, and on the other side rested the clear way out. The way to the door, to a different freedom where she could seek help from those who called themselves her "friends".  
  
"Friends?" He laughed. It was rough on her ears, his voice was no longer smooth. Instead it was harsh, caught some where between a scream of pain and a scream of pleasure. As if it couldn't decided what it wanted. "They were never your friends. A doctor? A friend?"  
  
There was another laugh, and this one hurt even more as he finally made it in touching distance of her. "You can't trust a doctor, remember? It was a doctor that took your mother and father away. A doctor that was lying to you about being there to help you. Why, even the nice Dr. Hino that gave you the sleeping pills just wanted to flirt."  
  
Kaoru didn't know if it was the force of Kenshin's hands that made her fall to the couch cushions of her own body, but she hit the soft surface, the bottle of sleeping pills parallel to her eyes. She could just reach out and grasp it and make everything go away.  
  
Kenshin watched her make her decision, all the way taking about how she couldn't reach a salvation through help from her friends. That they didn't want her help at all, only more money so they could live on in their own way. Sano was a gambler after all.  
  
Her hand was shaking as she reached out and grasped it, not knowing what to do with it as she sat up. She half listened to Kenshin and what he had to say and listened to her own thoughts on what she should be doing when a hand slipped through her thighs and the hands owner straddled her body. "You know you want to do it."  
  
It was Kenshin, but he was also over by the couch arm. And he was. There were two of them. She struggled and pushed the Kenshin on top of her off. Standing, she only managed to fall over the coffee table. Turning around, still on the floor, she cried out as another Kenshin appeared sitting on the table looking quite smug.  
  
Another appeared by the stereo, standing and looking over the collection of CDs. And another and another and another. They were appearing all around the room. She started to shake, trembling in fear. The bottle rattled in her hand, making its existence known.  
  
"Oh, the poor dear has the bottle!" laughed one, shaking from the movement. She crawled back wards to the wall, using it to sit up as she gazed about the room. Each Kenshin now had their eyes on her. Watching her every movement, her every breath. It seemed to captivate them as if they had never seen something alive and breathing before.  
  
"Leave me alone!" she screamed out as one reached out to touch her. Kaoru slapped the hand away only to be grabbed by another. The Kenshin sitting on the arm of the couch called the others off, his amber eyes laughing. That was the difference in the Kenshins, some had amber eyes, some had the soothing amethyst.  
  
The all laughed again and backed off, her hands shook as she brought them together, trying to open the bottle. If this was real, sleep would make it all go away as it did before. Yes, it would make everything better. All better.  
  
The bottle opened and she tossed the lid to the floor beside her as she spilled some onto her hand. She didn't--could not, remember the directions. Her eyes couldn't count the amount of pills in her hand.  
  
Kaoru just took them, swallowing the amount that was in her hand and prayed for it to work fast.  
  
She didn't remember how long it took for them to work, she didn't remember anything. Everything just went blank.  
  
"A young woman of twenty three was found last night in her apartment home by a neighbor who was complaining about the music being to loud. Police say she overdosed on sleeping pills. Onto later news..."  
  
Kaoru's aunt could no longer listen to the radio station as she stared about the small apartment in pain. This was where her niece lived and died. She couldn't bare to stay there any longer, but she had to. Everything had to be sorted through, put into many different piles to be sent to many different places. She kept her tears in check as she glanced at the red headed woman that she knew to be Kenshin's mother.  
  
They both had to be strong and had to keep going on.  
  
They had to believe that their lost loved ones where in a far better place.  
  
Finished.

* * *

Ah, a completed fanfic. It's always nice to see that word, "finished" on your work. And it was done in two weeks. Well, better then anything really. This last chapter was 1,894 words. I'm glad I made it into two chapters. Don't know about you, but I am. Well, if anyone is still asking as to why she did what she did, I'll answer in three simple words: she went insane. Everything is as simple as that. What she went insane over, though, is guilt and grief, and lots of it.  
  
_It seems dark...  
  
In the closed pet shop the hamster continues to turn around and around.  
  
"Scuttle, scuttle."  
  
1000 times, 2000 times, 3000 times, how many times?  
  
It's dead.  
_  
Well, the hamster is Kaoru and the going around in circles part is the sleeping pills, which means that the "how many times" is the amount she swallowed. And of course, she did end up dead. This wasn't such a bad thing considering what she was going through. She took the easiest way out, the way she had convinced herself was the best way to go since the first chapter. Congratulations to anyone who guessed what she was going to do since the very beginning.   
  
I don't really have anything else to say. . Other then thank you to MoMo-ChAn and to those of you who reviewed. Its nice to feel loved. And thank you to all of those who reviewed, I'll just honor you here: madoxx, Lemon Honey, sage, African Hornet, mojine, Psychotic Tanuki, Mageblood, MoMo-ChAn, Daydreamingkotori, corrosion, and Kean. 


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